4 Hardest Things About Being a Mum

June 27, 2015 3:10 pm

Motherhood. One minute you’re pregnant and the next you’re a feeding, changing machine, expected to be an expert in all things baby related from soothing a teething child to potty training and tantrums… all while your emotions and hormones are through the roof!

As a mother of a toddler and a tiny baby I can relate to all sorts of motherhood struggles.. But here I am going to concentrate on the 4 HARDEST parts!

1. The ‘Baby Blues’

Now this is something all mothers go through. Some worse than others.

I personally think the title of those feelings is terrible, I think all it does it ensure those feelings you are getting are categorized, that way they can be explained and rationalized. In all honesty no part of it is rational and you cant really explain it. Is it normal? Yes! That doesn’t always make you feel better!

As a pregnant woman and a new mother I hated the word hormones because my partner just blamed everything on my hormones… but they are a massive part of it all. These new emotions, this almost paranoia you start to feel, the anxiety and the inability to concentrate, the overwhelming tiredness and the tears.. Oh the tears! This is all part of the baby blues. Now there are lots of ‘reasons’ why you have these feelings. The come down after the high and adrenaline rush after you baby was first born, the hormones and the production and breast milk. If you ask me, its the reality. The responsibility hits you like a ton of bricks. You come home from the hospital and all of a sudden you have this little person who is 100% dependent on you 24/7! Now if that isn’t going to be a shock to the system, I don’t know what is.

Coping with it is a different story all together. The advice they give, as good as it is, is not always realistic.

‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’

‘Keep visitors to a minimum’

All I can say is.. Keep control of your time, figure out what needs to be a priority (Eating, Sleep and bottles)                  and what can wait (ironing, hoovering and washing the dishes).

If you want to cry, do it. Trust me you will feel better. If your one of these women who doesn’t like to cry for no reason, cover it with a sad film!

Last but probably most important. Let them help! There will be plenty of people that want to and it is not always a bad thing! If you don’t want to give up the feeding, fine, ask them to put that pile of washing in the machine. If you want to go to the shop to get the groceries, great, let someone look after the little one to give you that space. I personally found this difficult with my first but with my second I took everyone up on every offer and it was brilliant! Not only did everyone feel included, I was must more relaxed and calm.

Mother

2. Judgement 

Judgement is always hard whether it be from a loved one, a stranger or even yourself. From before your child is born you have to start making decisions; natural birth or medicated, bottle or breast feed, how long your baby stays in your bedroom? Unfortunately, on top of that pressure and self doubt, those decisions are not always agreed upon. You can feel judged by everyone and anyone when it comes to the way you choose to bring up your child. The reason I feel so strongly about this one is because I struggled greatly with this overwhelming feeling of being judged, wherever I went and what ever I did. My biggest struggle with this, one I have discovered is felt by a lot of mums, is that it was always ME. My partner and I made the majority of decisions together, yet it was never him that was under that scrutiny, it was never him that was challenged. It was me.

It comes in many forms, mostly its that patronizing ‘advice’ that you didn’t actually ask for. It comes from all directions but in my experience and research there is a pretty clear pattern.

  • Other mums / mum friends       –      These are the people that have already established their own way of doing things and because that has worked for them, surely that way will work for you too.
  • The mother-in-law       –     She has always been the person you crave gratification from. The person you have always wanted to feel accepted by and it was hard enough getting that from her when you first started dating her son, but now, you have this precious grandchild. Not only do you now have to convince yourself you are doing the right thing, you have to convince her too!
  • Your mother      –      ‘Well darling, when I had you we always did this’. Yes I know Mum but that was 20 years ago!
  • The friends without kids     –      These are the most tedious for me. We have all been there, we have all said ‘when I have kids I will never do that’. Its not true. I remember telling myself I would never use reigns on my children! Never! They look like taking your dog for a walk I used to say, yet now, I love them. Swear by them in fact.

Coping with this is difficult and a long journey, but it can be done. Self confidence is the key. Be sure in your decisions and be confident in your abilities as a mother and remember not to be hard on yourself – you will have a hard enough time with everyone else!

3. Let Daddy Do It 

As a mother you naturally want the best for your kids and the best usually comes from you. You are the one that looks after them all the time. You know their bed times, you know what they like to eat and you know which is their favourite toy. So how do you let go? Letting the man who always gives the porridge out of the jar instead of the new one that he would have make from scratch and the man that does not think about which leggings match which top, how do you let him take over that job that you put your whole heart and soul into every day? How do you give up that wonderful feeling of being THE person able to provide everything they need.

I have the typical view of my partner, if he does it, it won’t be done right! Actually my partner is a great dad. Even though he starts playing silly throwing games next to telly and makes the kids all hyper just before they go to bed, the kids love it. It a lovely change for them, I see it as when you used to go to school and you had that really cool substitute teacher for the day who would teach the lesson on the field instead of in the classroom. Sometimes you learn more from the substitute than the normal teacher that sticks to the curriculum. So I say, let them be, join in even. You might have more fun than you realize.

4. Separation 

I hate leaving my kids! I think it is a mixture of emotions and feelings. A lack of trust, a feeling that nobody can do it the way I can and wanting everything to be on time and perfect. I get scared that they will miss behave or wont settle but the reality is worse. They don’t mind! It is not their anxiety, its mine. Its not that they are going to miss me (they may a little) but that I will miss them. Sometimes I just have to remember that letting them be with others in different environments is a fantastic lesson for them. I want to encourage their independence from me, I would hate it if my children screamed every time I left a room.

My last thought on this is that, with every step they take away from you (as hard as it may be) is a step towards a little bit more time and freedom for yourself. Every time they go to Nanny’s or Nursery / School I become more ‘me’ again and have more time to do things for myself!

Every parent goes through every emotion!

Live it. Learn from it. Love it.

 

Tags:
%d bloggers like this: