No Need to Kiss and Tell.

March 10, 2014 12:33 pm

gay
So, clearly 2013 was the year to come out. I am happy that celebrities such as Tom Daley feel secure enough to publicly declare their sexual preferences. However, I can’t help but be a little cynical. Why are we so concerned with labelling our sexuality and making it so known to the public? Lets say you are a gorgeous supermodel with big eyebrows, should you have a moral obligation to divulge your sexual escapades to the world?

The YouTube video of Tom Daley coming out of the metaphorical closet  was a trending success. With over 10 million people watching this clip world wide it quickly made the headlines. Whilst I was watching the video, I just couldn’t help but think ‘So what?’. All these celebs leaving ‘Narnia’ doesn’t fill me with excitement, it felt very old-fashioned (as did the attention it received).

If we are currently in the era of ‘coming out’ then I am hoping for the next stage to quickly arise: When we simply ‘don’t care’. So what if you are gay? I don’t care. You kissed a girl, so what? It is still a form of homophobia to give so much praise to people who declare their sexuality to the public. It is patronising and extremely condescending.

tom daley is gay Take Cara Delevingne. She’s taking over the world with her unique style, her signature eyebrows and ‘I don’t give a sh*t’ persona. She kisses guys, and dates them. She kisses girls and yep, you guessed it, she dates them. And? Does she feel that she has to inform us all of this every step of the way? Almost like she has a dirty secret she needs to liberate from herself? Does she heck. She is way too cool for that. That is what adds to her ever increasing personality. Yes, her youth and beauty are a contributing factor, probably giving her the confidence to enable her laissez-faire attitude. Nonetheless, she believes she has far more going on in her life than who is in her bed. That is exactly how it should be.
cara kissing girl
Being gay is no longer a fashion trend. At one point, from the aid of Gok Wan, being ‘gay’ was considered cool and liberating, and having that ‘gay best friend’ was almost a compulsive accessory. Nowadays, it is starting to become more relaxed. My gay friends don’t care about hanging out at gay clubs any more, it is more my straight friends that want to head over to canal street and participate in gay pride.

It is a change, reflective of how attitudes of ‘coming out’ are altering. Tom Daley’s popularity soared through the roof with the airing of his YouTube video. Come on guys, how homophobic can you be? Shouldn’t we implore him for his Olympic medal and sporting success? The most important thing we should offer people is not a gay role model, it should be a role model who just happens to be gay. Lesbihonest, I know I wouldn’t want my sexuality being the most interesting thing about me, surely I am more interesting than that?

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  • Sandra Belham

    I know what you are saying and to some extent I agree, and certainly will do in the future, I hope.

    Yes, sexuality should not be your defining characteristic at all. But we are still at a place where homosexuality needs to have role models who speak out and make it known that it is acceptable.

    In the USA, vast parts of the country are still homophobic and there are thousands of people caught in “narnia” as you say, who need role models to make them feel like it is ok to be how they are.

    Worse still there are countries like Uganda where it is illegal and a grave crime to be homosexual. Until homosexuality is accepted on a much larger worldwide scale, I think a fuss still needs to be made about it and we still need role model celebrities who help to influence world thought, even in a small way.

    Don’t get me wrong, the worst thing is when it is shoved down people’s throats who already believe in equal rights etc. – nobody wants that, but there are many still who do not believe that way, and they need to be educated.

  • queerick

    A celebrity coming out doesn’t matter to the author of this article, but it matters to the young gay kid who has to go through his daily share of bullying. The author is showing ignorance. I don’t “happen” to be gay, being gay is an important part of my identity. It is an major factor that has shaped my personality.

    Since even the caveman in our societies realize that they are, or will be called, bigots for complaining about gay people, the new socially acceptable way for people to complain about gay people is to say that they are attention-seekers for coming out.

  • John Clanston

    The author seems to forget that being gay is not just a sexual orientation. Imagine for a second what it’s like to grow in a society where you know that you will never be able to satisfy the expectations that have been put on you. You have to build your dream life, and if you don’t have gay role models, than you’re on your own.

    Walk in my shoes for a mile or two and then we can have a constructive discussion.

    • daisy

      I am in no way ignorant. I myself am gay thank you very much. This is
      my entire argument! I dont want my sexuality defining who I AM. Being
      straight doesnt define hetersexuals does it? My point is RIGHT NOW we
      need gay role models, and we need to unite in order to have our say, and
      that is bad! we shouldnt need to as it should be a given right to us!
      Obviously me article wasnt understood the way it was intended. It is
      completely disregarding discrimination. We are gay, that is not WHO we
      are, we just happen to be it. I do not want to be judged on my sexual
      orientation, as that is not who i am.

      • Paul Seccombe

        I think a lot of the people commenting here haven’t quite understood what you are trying to say and there are perhaps a few sentences which are misleading to what I think you actually meant.

        I agree with you for the most part, I don’t particularly want my sexuality to define me either.

  • marsha p. johnson

    You do realize that by ignoring gay people’s sexual orientation, you’re actually trying to pretend they don’t exist, right ?

    I’m here, I’m queer, you might as well get used to it.

  • milk

    In 100 years, tom daley will still be remembered by the lgbt community, but will he be remembered by the sports world ? Which of his actions will have had to bigger impact ?

    Now hold my hair while I throw up.

  • what?

    Where I live, if I want to have kids, I have to have sex with a man I’m not attracted to. Surrogacy and IVF are illegal here. Being gay is not just who I sleep with. Wake up, you’re blind.

  • gayisnotok

    Daisy is right. Nobody wants to hear about gay people’s twisted ways. We don’t want to listen to your sex stories, we don’t want to hear about your “partners”, and we don’t even want to see you holding hands in public in front of children. Gross.

  • chidori

    The author can thank the inventor of the internet for allowing her to spread her most ignorant thoughts worldwide.

  • kazam

    People like you are the reason why it is not considered socially acceptable for me to tell about my week end with my partner when asked about it by my colleagues on monday mornings.

  • rainbow

    hey bigoted author, wanna know why a celebrity coming out matters ? here’s why : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp4s8yiDnUA

  • Daisy

    I am in now way ignorant. I myself am gay thank you very much. This is my entire argument! I dont want my sexuality defining who I AM. Being straight doesnt define hetersexuals does it? My point is RIGHT NOW we need gay role models, and we need to unite in order to have our say, and that is bad! we shouldnt need to as it should be a given right to us! Obviously me article wasnt understood the way it was intended. It is completely disregarding discrimination. We are gay, that is not WHO we are, we just happen to be it. I do not want to be judged on my sexual orientation, as that is not who i am.

    • guest

      Gay is who we are. It is not all there is about us but it is an important part. Being gay defines who I love, why I was beaten down growing up, why there are certain topic of conversations I have to avoid with my friends because it makes them uncomfortable, if it is safe to hold someone’s hand walking down the streets, what options I have to have children. I am reminded on a daily basis that my sexual orientation is not the norm. I don’t happen to be gay, I am gay. When I am told “you’re just a dude who happens to be gay”, what I hear is “You’re not like the stereotypical gay”. Except that I have stereotypical gay friends, and I love them.

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