Want to journey into space for less than £1000? Sure, just die first.

August 12, 2013 6:00 pm

Have you ever wanted to explore interstellar space? Are you one of the many people who applied for a place on the one way Mars One mission but then thought fuck that when you saw there was an application fee? Me too. With a seat on Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic flights costing just $250,000 it’s probably fair to say that most of us wannabe space men and women will have a long wait ahead of us until we can afford such an adventure. Or will we?

Enter Celestis, Inc and their memorial space flights. For just $995 (£643) you can be shot up into space for just enough time to experience zero gravity. Once that’s done you’ll return back to earth where your flight will be validated as reaching space and the capsule you flew in returned to your family as a keep sake. Sounds great doesn’t it? That is, until you realise that this isn’t the kind of space tourism you’ve heard about. This is actually a funeral service.

That’s right, the guys at Celestis, Inc are offering you the chance to say goodbye to your loved ones in your own unique way, by shooting them into orbit. But if you don’t fancy the shorter trip there are plenty of other options available to you, depending on the size of your curiosity (and wallet!)

The packages available from these guys are listed below and If I had the money I’d out a gram of dead me in all of them:

  •  The Earth Rise Service: The basic package, this includes a gram of your deceased self being blasted up just high enough to be consider as gone to into space before you make your way back down to earth to be reunited with whoever it is that’s wants to keep that capsule or module containing a gram of you. That lucky person also receives confirmation of your space flight and trajectory.

Price:  1 gram – $995, +50% – 2 grams, +100% – 7 grams, +200% – 14 grams.

  • The Earth Orbit Service: This package sends your zombie dust into orbit around the planet until your orbit eventually decays and you fall back to Earth, vaporizing  up in the atmosphere on the way down like a shooting start in your own final tribute. Pretty cool right? What’s also awesome about this option is the amount of time you spend in orbit varies pretty drastically, from somewhere between 10-240 years! Whoever you’ve got keeping tabs on you at this point will also get detailed launch information after a year or so when the spacecraft completes a full orbit. 

Price: 1 gram – $4,995, +50% – 2 grams, +100% – 7 grams, +200% – 14 grams.

Shooting Star

  •  The Luna Service: So, any guesses where you’re going with this one? Yup, it’s time to visit our planet’s nearest neighbour, the Moon. As part of an agreement with Odyssey Moon Limited and Astrobiotic Technology, Inc (whoever they are?)  and also not available until 2014/15, this package will shot you straight onto the surface of the moon. So just like Sam Rockwell’s clones in the film Moon you too could become a permanent addition to the lunar service. A real life man on the moon, except, you’re dead.

Price: 1 gram – $12,500, +50% – 2 grams, +100% – 7 grams, +200% – 14 grams.

  • The Voyager Service: This has to be my favourite and most definitely one I will be hounding whatever hell-spawn I father to sign me up for. The Voyager service sends you up and out of the Earth-Moon system as you begin your seemingly infinite journey into the void. You’ll be placed aboard the “Sunjammer Solar Sail”, an actual NASA fronted mission as part of which you’ll be heading 3 million kilometres towards the sun on an infinite journey around it. What’s cool about this is the craft your remains are on will have cameras on it so it could be possibly to have images beamed back of how far you’ve made it. 

Price: 1 gram – $12,500, +50% – 2 grams, +100% – 7 grams, +200% – 14 grams.

Sun

If you wanna check out more about what goes down at Celestis, Inc. their website is here. Not surprisingly, there have been a few notable people who opted in to becoming space debris including Gene Roddenberry (the guy who created Star trek), Timothy Leary (Turn on, tune in, drop out?) and James Doohan (The guy who played Scotty in Star trek.)

As far as price goes some of the packages actually work out cheaper than a traditional funeral and we all know how depressing and shit they can be. So why not become and astronaut after you kick the bucket? I mean, its cheaper and it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do…

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