The Fourteen Flaws of the Zombie Flick

January 30, 2014 10:00 am

Now, I love zombies as much as the next person. The slow, decaying, Walking Dead type, the quick, blood spluttering 28 Days Later strain and even the ethically-torn Warm Bodies ones: but as much as I do enjoy a good zombie film, I can’t help but pick out the plot holes that never seem to get mentioned.

Fourteen Plot Holes of the Zombie Flick

1: Is it just me, or do zombies never finish their food? I mean, it’s just common courtesy to eat all your dinner, isn’t it? But, for some reason zombies never manage to finish their victims. They are also self-indulgent: if some other poor unfortunate soul comes tottering along, they’re not going to keep on eating their current dinner – no, they want that person as well! That’s like me eating dinner and then seeing someone else’s dinner and thinking, nah, I’ll have that instead. Greedy zombies…

Second Toronto After Dark Film Festival, October 2007.

2: Zombies never seem full, ever. Why not? Everyone gets full.

3: So if zombies are dead, why are they eating? Do they need to eat? Surely, a zombie can’t starve to death if they’re already dead?

4: I know they are dead, but zombies (at least in some movies) seem to have some sense of awareness, so why are they choosing the most dangerous game to go after? Surely, they’d get wise to the fact the humans are shooting them and go after the creatures that can’t use guns, like squirrels? Have you ever seen a squirrel shoot a gun? If you have, please comment below. 

5: No one ever seems to specify how a zombie spots you. Is it because humans are not rotting, or do we have a food-like smell? Someone please tell me!

6: Where does the food go? There’s no working digestive system…

Groupofzombiesjoelf

7: People always seem to want to ‘cure’ the zombies. That’s fair enough in something like 28 Days Later, but I’m pretty sure that The Walking Dead zombies are a little too decayed for any antibiotics!

8: I wear contact lenses, so it always troubles me to understand how fellow lens wearers deal with the zombie apocalypse. I am personally useless without my lenses, and if the whole world were to suddenly become a flesh eating nightmare, where would I get my lenses from?!

9: So other than The Walking Dead’s Lori, no one seems to get pregnant. Unless they have somehow managed to get their hands on an unlimited supply of the pill or Durex, how are these guys managing it? Similarly if a woman has the implant, how she going to get that little pellet out of her arm in three years without a doctor?

10: No one ever seems to go to the toilet…and what happens when the loo roll runs out?

11: I know it would not make for an attractive film, but everyone seems very shaven…(especially the women).

12: Zombies seem to have really strong teeth. I mean biting through skulls, really?

Second Toronto After Dark Film Festival, October 2007.

13: You never see a zombie with false teeth and if so, what would they do?

14: Let’s say the humans lose, and there’s no more food out there for our ‘walkers’. What happens next? Do the zombies eat each other, or do they all just sort of sit around, undead forever?

Plot holes are something that every story is going to encounter. Perhaps, I’m being overly fastidious about the whole thing – but come on filmmakers – just once, why not mention the poor guy who is missing his lenses?

I’m sure there are plenty more plot holes, or maybe there is a film out there I haven’t seen that manages to answer all my questions. If so, comment below and let me know!

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