Humour And The Bible

March 26, 2014 2:04 pm

The Bible is the best-selling book in the world and, whilst many of us have a copy, we may not always be overly familiar with some of the passages.

Thankfully for us, a few kind-hearted souls online have compiled some of the wittiest and funniest articles on the web regarding those Bible passages which, albeit unintentionally, are pretty hilarious.


Arguably the best website on the net, Listverse, as its title suggests, compiles lists which are both humorous and eye opening. One of the lists on the site is: 15 Bizarre Biblical Quotes. With passages from Genesis, Exodus and Ezekiel and many more, the site brings to light some of the stranger quotes from the bible such as Deut. 23:1: “No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God”. To see the full list click here.



The American humour site is well known for its cohesive and witty arguments and their piece on The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses is brilliant. Showcasing the parts of the bible that resemble Conan the Barbarian it is an engrossing read. A passage on Samson is particularly epic….

“Finding a fresh bone of an ass, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men. Then Samson said,

“With an ass’s jawbone

I have made asses of them

With an ass’s jawbone

I have killed a thousand men.”

If you thought the Bible was tame you are completely wrong. Assuming that you like the film “300”, you will love this piece. To view it in its entirety click here.


Titan Poker

Titan Poker have taken a tongue in cheek approach to the Bible, creating their own Poker Bible complete with its own 10 commandments and biblical tales. The site has taken a humorous slant on many Old Testament favourites such as Joseph and the Cards of Many Colors, Noah and the Shark and many others. It’s a good read and one that is thoroughly amusing. If you have ten minutes to kill then it is well worth checking out.  Visit Titan Poker to read it for yourself

titan poker


These guys always seem to know where to look in regards to compiling hilarious lists. This one, aptly named 19 Things The Bible Forbids Other Than Homosexuality, sets about to inform us what we should and should not do according to the Bible. Most of these rules will be broken by most of us on a daily basis. The article compiles some of the more trivial rules and stipulations set by the Bible, such as it being a sin to eat shellfish or to wear a garment that consists of both linen and wool. Tragically this allows people to justify wearing double denim! To see more, visit the BuzzFeed article here.



Sex is a taboo subject. It always has been and it will always remain so. What you may not be familiar with is that the Bible features numerous references to sex. This piece looks at some of the best passages in the Bible regarding sex. It turns out that God is a breast man. It is close to the knuckle but unbelievably funny with some of the best quotes imaginable.  Proverbs 5:18,20 is one of the many highlights: “Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?”

To see more visit The Examiner.


While the aforementioned Cracked article focused on the badass passages from the Bible, Rooktopia looks at some of the badasses found in its pages. With entrants ranging from the beast that was Samson, to the ultimate underdog David, there are loads of awesome stories to be told, with tales such as Samson coming face to face with a lion and ripping it apart like “he might have torn a young goat.” That’s just the tip of the iceberg.




The guys over at progressiveboink have compiled a list of the 16 worst names in the Bible. With names such as Gad and Ham, the bible has numerous funny names, but the pick of the bunch has to be the brilliant Maher-shalal-hash-baz, which translates to “Hurry to spoil”. With a little information given to each character you can get in an in-depth insight into some of the Bible’s forgotten men. To read more have a look at Progressiveboink.
















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